Waiting...
Patience. That is something I do not have a lot of. I used to pray for patience, and then I was called to be a sunbeam teacher for three years. I obviously didn't learn enough then because I am being tested again for my patience and endurance. It has been nine months since our miscarriage. Luke has been helping me to remember to not think of what could have been. I could have been holding our sweet little baby right now. However, I do recognize my blessings that I do have every single day. I have a wonderful husband who loves me even when I am an emotional wreck and I get to spend everyday with him, I am able to go to school and will be graduating soon, and I have amazing parents who recognize that a miscarriage is not just something that I should get over just because some time has passed. I have so many blessings, but it is still hard to look into the future sometimes when there are still so many unknowns. One thing that was really holding me back was that I did not heal quite well after the miscarriage and I was not able to progress physically. My body suffered daily physical pain and was not regulating itself the way it should have.
The most frustrating part of all of this is the waiting. Waiting for a period, waiting for the pain to go away, waiting for a doctors appointment, waiting for someone to reach out and hug you or let you talk, waiting to take a pregnancy test, waiting for a reason, waiting for the hurtful comments to stop, waiting for an answer, waiting, waiting, waiting... Finally I didn't have to wait anymore.
I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) in April. This is a disease that causes cysts to form on the ovaries and stops the body from ovulating, among other things, basically it is an infertility diagnoses. This was hard to take at first, infertility is such a scary word. However, it was also a blessing. This was an answer to why my body was behaving the way it was, and it gave Luke and I so many more options. This also gave Luke and I the opportunity to grow even closer and to recognize the wonderful things that we do have in our lives.
I am grateful for the experiences that I have had, I am grateful that I can turn to prayer, I am grateful to have a loving husband and family, I am grateful that I have this time to focus on my school work, I am grateful to know what is going on and to have a wonderful doctor who provides me with support, information, and options...I can go on forever, but I am most grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan for me. I know that He loves me and feels my pain, I know that I can turn to Him at any moment and He will give me strength. I am grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I know that He suffered for me and I know that He understands exactly what I am going through.
This will be a life long journey for Luke and I, it will bring us many blessings, as well as some trials. But, together we can get through anything!
The most frustrating part of all of this is the waiting. Waiting for a period, waiting for the pain to go away, waiting for a doctors appointment, waiting for someone to reach out and hug you or let you talk, waiting to take a pregnancy test, waiting for a reason, waiting for the hurtful comments to stop, waiting for an answer, waiting, waiting, waiting... Finally I didn't have to wait anymore.
I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) in April. This is a disease that causes cysts to form on the ovaries and stops the body from ovulating, among other things, basically it is an infertility diagnoses. This was hard to take at first, infertility is such a scary word. However, it was also a blessing. This was an answer to why my body was behaving the way it was, and it gave Luke and I so many more options. This also gave Luke and I the opportunity to grow even closer and to recognize the wonderful things that we do have in our lives.
I am grateful for the experiences that I have had, I am grateful that I can turn to prayer, I am grateful to have a loving husband and family, I am grateful that I have this time to focus on my school work, I am grateful to know what is going on and to have a wonderful doctor who provides me with support, information, and options...I can go on forever, but I am most grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan for me. I know that He loves me and feels my pain, I know that I can turn to Him at any moment and He will give me strength. I am grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I know that He suffered for me and I know that He understands exactly what I am going through.
This will be a life long journey for Luke and I, it will bring us many blessings, as well as some trials. But, together we can get through anything!
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