Four Days

Things could have gone in a different direction and I am so grateful they didn't.
This pregnancy was so much different than Truman's.  I didn't feel well the entire time; I had heart problems and had to be monitored for that for a while, high blood pressure, I had a horrible pain on the right side right under my ribs that would not go away, I ended up in the hospital 3 separate times and I was in fear the entire time that something would go wrong with my little angel. But, we made it!  We made it to a week before my due date and with a few minor complications we were all doing well and together as a family.  Everything was perfect, for a little bit.
A week after meeting our little man I started getting a horrible headache and it traveled down to my neck and shoulders.  I have been getting migraines and headaches since high school so I didn't think much of it at first.  But not being able to move my head and trying to keep a newborn alive was proving difficult. I finally went to Urgent Care, on a Friday morning.  They gave me a shot to help with the pain and told me if it didn't help with the headache then I needed to go to the E.R.  It helped for a few hours but then came right back.  At about 10'o'clock that night I decided I needed to go to the E.R. because all the pain was too much to ignore.  Two in the morning we were finally home again after some blood work and another shot of the 'headache cocktail'.  It helped for a few hours then all day Saturday I still had the horrible headache and was unable to turn my head.  The pain went on into Easter Sunday.  Feeling horrible all day that Sunday I finally decided to go back to the E.R.  I felt dumb going back to the E.R. thinking they would think I'm just a hypochondriac, but that was not the case at all.  I was diagnosed with postnatal preeclampsia, which is extremely rare and the doctors are not sure why I got it.  What I thought would be a quick trip to Urgent Care turned into a four day stay.  I was trying to hold back to tears as they drew blood, checked my blood pressure, and ordered an MRI.  Thankfully the MRI came back clear of any tumors or damage. I was wheeled up to Maternal Intensive Care Unit where I was hooked up to a 24 hour magnesium drip.  This is not how I imagined my first few weeks home with my sweet little angel.  My blood pressure was extremely high and I was being monitors on the hour every hour for seizures, blood pressure and numbness in my legs and feet.  The worst part was that I was not allowed to be alone with my baby.  The medicine made me dizzy and unable to walk on my own, and the nurses explained that if I were to have a seizure or something were to go wrong then there would be no one to care for my baby, that made sense but didn't stop me from feeling incapable of caring for my own baby.  1 day became 2 which became 3, my blood pressure was not coming down or staying stable so every day was a 'maybe you can go home today' but it finally took 4 days before I was able to go home.

That experience has brought up so many conversations and emotions for Luke and I.  Will I be okay long term, will I be able to have more children, what will happen to our children if something terrible were to happen to one or both of us.  I am eternally grateful for the time I have in this life with my babies.  Things could have gone very differently, those four days could have been all I got, but I have been blessed with more time and I think about that often as I stare at my little miracles and the life I get to have with them.